Sons vs daughters

So, I don't usually get into conversations with the well minded elderly folk, for the simple reason that I can't seem to buy their views and beliefs on a number of contemporary issues. I am careful to keep my distance from them, save the customary greetings and not delve any more deeper. Call me a snob if you will but more often than not I find my blood boiling over after such interactions or rather monologues.

Recently however I got cornered by a very well minded elder, perhaps at an unfortunate hour. He insisted on enlightening me about the importance of sons in a family. I wasn't too keen on the discussion as I am the older of only two sisters and have never really missed out on having a brother. Neither did my parents ever display any sort of disappointment in not having produced a male progeny. So most of what he said, didn't accrue to my train of thought. I listened to his discourse however so as not to upset him.

His concerns were as follows. His foremost concern was ending of the family name. He said, "With girls, the family name gets lost as they get married and take up the husband's family name." "True", I said. "But it is no longer de rigueur for a woman to change her last name after marriage. Many continue to keep their maiden names or simply append the new surname." He wasn't convinced with my argument. He began explaining the concept of marriage wherein the girl leaves behind her maiden name and gotra and takes up the new ones and that it is an indisputable tradition. Case closed.

His second concern was that if there are no sons who will take care of the parents? "Daughters can't be always there for their parents. And the son's responsibility towards his parents is more than that of a daughter's. You might have male cousins but they will only care for their families not their uncle's or aunt's." Well what do I say to that? Aren't women nowadays taking equal responsibility of their parents at par with sons? They are economically independent and in a position to take care of their families.

His next concern had to do with the cycle of rebirth. This one was new for me so I paid close attention. He said that having sons increased your chances of being born again on earth as opposed to having only daughters. In the latter case, parents achieve moksha or salvation. This is in lieu of the religious rites and annual death ceremonies carried out by the sons, wherein they call upon the souls of their forefathers. I couldn't argue with that. All I could say was, " Isn't it better to be free from this tough and arduous life once and for all rather than be born again and again? Spiritually speaking. " once again having a daughter is a win win.

Now this doesn't go to say that there is no hope for daughters. They are loved and cherished. But sadly they don't have a voice. They have been and are still gagged by the societal veil of myriad customs and traditions. The funny part is that a daughter, even before she can be a girl, is treated as 'paraya dhan' or a liability. More than her personal safety we are greatly concerned about her family's respect. In many cases, women are reduced to mere objects for upholding the dignity and integrity of society.

A couple of months back, this viral video by AIB on the truth of arranged marriages was doing the rounds and shared on my Facebook page. I did catch their video. And it's awesome and true to every detail. We might bask in the glory of advancements and development but reality is a far cry from these.

So which part of India are u from?

My name is usually the most interesting feature that people notice about me when I introduce myself. And the next thing that they do is what we as Indians love to do. They try to trace my background and guess what part of the country I come from. 

So on most accounts there's a barrage of, "Are you Bengali?" And "Oh, that face cut." So and so... and each time with expressions indicative of some sort of revelation and a feeling of "I knew!". No, I'm not Bengali just in case you were wondering. I am actually a South Indian. Did I catch you go, "But of course! I knew it" ? I don't blame you. It comes to us as naturally as breathing. Because we just know, if not by the appearance, then by the habits, the way of speaking or even by a name.

We find it so easy to trace where someone is coming from. We have our databases ready and stacked with information on the various characteristics of the from different states and accordingly look for the best match when a person turns up. 

What is more interesting is our obsession with a handful of states despite having a good number of them. The South vs North debate is probably epic now. We just can't seem to get enough of it. It also doesn't help with Bollywood churning out typical roles for south Indian characters, complete with dark skin, curly hair, handlebar mustache, upturned lungi and that big black mole on the face. The uber sensitive southerners feel compelled to take to social media and vent their vengeance.

And that leaves us with the wide range of blogs, articles and viral videos trying hard to educate the apparently uninformed Indian population about the regional diversity of our country, south India in particular. The latest being this video on YouTube that was shared a million times on my Facebook page, enough to make me roll my eyes. So this video like all other pro-south Indian videos tries to teach any person that will listen, about the 4(oops! Make that 5) states and all that is to know about their people and the place.

A very novel idea indeed. The tune goes something like, "We are not Madrasis, we are padosis." Now any person with even remote south Indian appearance or name must have been faced with, "Are you a Madrasi?". The part that I don't get however is the 'padosis', if there was such harmony amongst us why would there be feuds regarding water issues, electricity issues, land issues, divisions and even warring comments underneath the video...yes! The said padosi states fighting over who is the best and who owns greater famous personalities. Hilarious actually.

Moreover with states increasingly going in for bifurcations and trifurcations and multi cations it would be simply silly of us to expect an average Indian to keep track. Picture this, a northie bumps into a Telugu speaking guy. Having gone through these educational videos, he would cluelessly address him as an Andhraite. Now should this guy turn out to be from Telangana, the former will be in deep trouble. More confused than ever he might just run away in panic. 

Now on a serious note how many south Indians are as well informed about the north? How many can successfuly tell apart a Punjabi from a Bihari or a Rajasthani? My mother who has spent a good two decades in the national capital, still generally refers all north Indians as punjabis. Not that she doesn't know about the other states but a preconceived notion that punjabis are in abundance and hence every other person is one. And in the place that I come from, salwars and suits are called Punjabi dresses to this day. I honestly don't know the origin of salwars so I'm not sure if that's correct.

 Is it better for us to improve stately ties or create more misunderstandings? Lesser the details the better. If someone is genuinely interested well and good, otherwise it's best to leave aside the frills. What say?

The Freedom To Be

Of all the things that I constantly yearn for, freedom would definitely top the list. Chocolate is somewhere there too but freedom wins hands down. So what is this freedom that I'm talking about? The freedom to vote? To dress up the way I want? To pursue a career of my choice? Or to start protesting against every little thing that bothers me?

To put it simply, I wish for the freedom to be me. To follow my heart without fear of being judged or typecast. Fair enough you say? I mean isn't each one us entitled to such a life? Aren't we riding high on the development wave?

Well we might be to a certain extent. I'm sure most of you, like me have been privileged enough to have access to good education, good job opportunities, ample exposure and the good life. Not to forget a nurturing environment.

Despite all these, however I can't help but feel a stifling sense every time I wish to cheer my heart. Why is it so tough at times to convince the people around me that I too deserve a chance at life...to take risks, for good or for bad, to learn from these and build up my mind. Is it all because I'm just a woman?

Oh yes, being a woman is a big responsibility in itself. You simply can't be caught in the wrong deed. Ever! Oftentimes I think that being a woman is only next to being godly and pious. You aren't allowed any mistakes, any deviations to the chosen, righteous path. And it's not just your family that has expectations of you, but the whole society.

Your friendly neighbor might never have helped you through school or college but will gladly butt in to enlighten you on how it is your duty as a daughter to honor the traditions and agree to get married early. Doesn't matter that their own kids are leading hopelessly. Even that aloof looking uncle in the metro coach will be ready to lecture you on your choice of friends, clothing and your outings. Because belonging to the female species makes you an instant magnet to a hoard of concerned free advice that is mostly detrimental.
"It isn't safe for you to be out this late. Your parents will be worried.", sounds so common.

I have had my fair share of well wishers too. When my mother decided it was time for me to get married, it seemed to me that she had an arsenal of supporters who made it a point to educate me on how for a girl, the ultimate life realization was in finding that perfect match...fixed by the family of course!
"What about my career?", I protested. "Both go hand in hand", they laughed off. And listed names of the many women who are successfully managing their careers as well as families. And no it is not a cakewalk. Well, I can say I got lucky to have found an understanding partner. But how about those as young as 11-12, who are forced into marriage because it is a tradition.

I remember an instance from my school days. There was this little girl who stayed near my grandfather's place. A couple of years younger than me, she would often play with us. And so it came as a surprise when one fine day she was on a regional news channel. Turned out her family was trying to marry her off to her cousin who was underage too. Luckily someone had informed the media and police, who intervened in time. She was hardly 12!

Those of my friends who have been fortunately spared all this don't quite get to breathe easy. They are still expected to tread carefully. Phew!
But hey, all hope is not lost yet...just the other day, as I tuned into a popular radio program, I came across a feisty lass. She had called up the RJ to reveal her secret wish in life. She was on a quest to date men from all over the country. To be precise, she wished to date a guy from each state in India. Now that is something interesting. Not to delve into her personal meetings, isn't it cool to learn closely about the varied cultures and heritage of all the places in our country? In a time when regional riots and misunderstandings are on the rise, this is such a nice way to establish closer ties...Don't u think?

It's also heartening to see that women are increasingly voicing their opinions on issues affecting them and are taking a stand on crucial decisions in their lives without worrying about what the world will say.
Better still, people are strongly taking to social media to put forth the message loud and clear. Not to forget a string of really smart videos that went viral in no time. Remember the series of ads trying to show women as more than just kitchen appliances? Or the more recent Titan Raga ad featuring a new age woman who has separated from her chauvinistic partner. Simply brilliant!

So hear, hear... Women are here to take over... And society better beware!

Chocolate Mug Cake - Microwave Recipe

It's 4 on the clock, the sun is beginning to retreat while casting long shadows on the streets. There's the lull, one that usually follows a lazy afternoon siesta. Help! Instant mood lifter needed. Not to forget the choti-choti bhook. What would be the best pick... Tea? Coffee? Nah, how about Hot Chocolate? Yikes No! So much milk will surely put anyone to sleep. Samosa? Oil Alert! What to do then to get my quick fix?

Ta Da! Chocolate to the rescue. Confused? Well I'm not talking about your everyday chocolate bar but about a delicious, moist chocolate cake! Can there be anything better than a soft, nutty cake? Definitely...A cake that cooks in under 5 minutes! That's right, a personal size cake portion in under 5 minutes. Quick yummy snack anyone?

I found myself craving a chocolate cake one evening and stumbled upon this mug cake recipe on www.tablefortwoblog.com , I tweaked it slightly to suit my tastes and loved the outcome. A moist, chocolaty mini cake. The best part, it is egg-less!

So, here's getting started:

Preparation Time: 5 mins | Cook Time: 2-3 mins

SUPPLIES

• Microwave oven
• Microwave safe mug or bowl

INGREDIENTS

• 1/4 cup refined flour/maida
• 2 tbsp unsweetened cocoa powder (I used drinking chocolate)
• 1/4 tsp baking powder
• 3 tbsp granulated sugar
• 1/4 cup + 1 tbsp milk
• 2 tbsp vegetable oil
• very small pinch of salt
• 2-3 drops vanilla essence (optional)
• 1/2 tbsp chopped walnuts

METHOD

1. Take your mug or bowl and add in all dry ingredients (maida, cocoa powder, sugar, baking powder, salt). Mix well to get uniform texture.
2. Next slowly add milk into the mug while stirring. Make sure no lumps are formed.
3. Add in remaining wet ingredients and mix well to get a smooth consistency. 
4. Add nuts on the top or mix them in depending on your choice. I left mine on the surface.
5. Now your batter is ready for cooking. Place the mug inside the microwave oven and set time for 120 seconds (2 min) at full power(900 W).
6. Keep checking if the batter is rising. The cakes appears to be boiling but will settle down.
7. Insert a knife or toothpick into the cake and check if it comes out clean. If not set it for 20-30 more seconds or till cooked.
8. Your hot chocolate mug cake is ready!

                                 

NOTES

• You can use a separate mixing bowl for the preparation part if you are not comfortable mixing in your mug. There is no need for any greasing or buttering as the cake is meant to be consumed directly from the mug. Pour the batter into the mug before cooking.
• I used a microwave safe bowl as I din't have a mug. The important thing here is that your vessel should be big enough to accommodate the rising cake. Be careful to keep the batter level in the mug low so that it doesn't spill over.
• The amount of sugar can be adjusted depending on your taste. I used brown sugar and the cake turned out very sweet for me.
• Adding essence is completely optional as it did not contribute much to the flavor. I usually add it to my recipes out of habit.
• And please forgive the bad quality photos. I'm still getting a hang. :) 

Air Dried Roses

Hi!

Roses are such lovely flowers. I wish I could preserve them forever. Alas! Like all other natural things they too eventually wither away. How then to make them last longer than the usual shelf life?

I did my research on the internet and came across flower drying, a technique wherein the moisture from flowers is sucked out using some methods and then these dried out beauties  are stored or used as decorative pieces. So this post is going to be about one such method of drying- Air Drying. 

I received a lovely bouquet of yellow roses as a gift from my sister on my birthday. They stayed fresh for around a week, after which they gradually started drooping. The color looked bright but the petals  began falling apart. I really wanted to preserve those roses and not just by pressing them between books.

I always liked pressing flowers between the pages of a heavy book, but that wouldn't ever retain their shape. Drying on the other hand, keeps the shape as well as the color intact. (Slight darkening in the shade is natural). There are a number of ways to go about the drying- Air drying, desiccate drying, using wax, wax paper, etc. 

I decided to go in for the easy and cost-effective method, i.e. Air drying, which is basically hanging flower bunches upside down, so that it leaves all moisture.

Let's get started!

Supplies:

• A bunch of flowers(I used roses), a week old
• Pair of scissors
• Thread or String
• Clothes hanger or rod

What to do:

1. Firstly cut open the bouquet and remove all unwanted greens, that are turning black. Pick out the stalks and place them on a newspaper or surface.

    2.   Then cut the stalks to a shorter length and remove leaves.

 

   3.    Next cut the string into small segments of about 15-20 cm and tie these to the ends of the stalks  

   4.    Now place the tied stalks on a clothes hanger, so that the roses are hanging upside down, and               put it up in a dark corner for the flowers to dry out.

The flowers should be done in about two weeks time. They will turn a shade darker but the shape stays almost the same. I have mine hanging in my room and I think they look so pretty just hanging like that. 

Note: The flowers can also be hung up on a curtain rod instead of the clothes hanger. Once dried, these flowers can be used as decorative items or gifts.