Sons vs daughters

So, I don't usually get into conversations with the well minded elderly folk, for the simple reason that I can't seem to buy their views and beliefs on a number of contemporary issues. I am careful to keep my distance from them, save the customary greetings and not delve any more deeper. Call me a snob if you will but more often than not I find my blood boiling over after such interactions or rather monologues.

Recently however I got cornered by a very well minded elder, perhaps at an unfortunate hour. He insisted on enlightening me about the importance of sons in a family. I wasn't too keen on the discussion as I am the older of only two sisters and have never really missed out on having a brother. Neither did my parents ever display any sort of disappointment in not having produced a male progeny. So most of what he said, didn't accrue to my train of thought. I listened to his discourse however so as not to upset him.

His concerns were as follows. His foremost concern was ending of the family name. He said, "With girls, the family name gets lost as they get married and take up the husband's family name." "True", I said. "But it is no longer de rigueur for a woman to change her last name after marriage. Many continue to keep their maiden names or simply append the new surname." He wasn't convinced with my argument. He began explaining the concept of marriage wherein the girl leaves behind her maiden name and gotra and takes up the new ones and that it is an indisputable tradition. Case closed.

His second concern was that if there are no sons who will take care of the parents? "Daughters can't be always there for their parents. And the son's responsibility towards his parents is more than that of a daughter's. You might have male cousins but they will only care for their families not their uncle's or aunt's." Well what do I say to that? Aren't women nowadays taking equal responsibility of their parents at par with sons? They are economically independent and in a position to take care of their families.

His next concern had to do with the cycle of rebirth. This one was new for me so I paid close attention. He said that having sons increased your chances of being born again on earth as opposed to having only daughters. In the latter case, parents achieve moksha or salvation. This is in lieu of the religious rites and annual death ceremonies carried out by the sons, wherein they call upon the souls of their forefathers. I couldn't argue with that. All I could say was, " Isn't it better to be free from this tough and arduous life once and for all rather than be born again and again? Spiritually speaking. " once again having a daughter is a win win.

Now this doesn't go to say that there is no hope for daughters. They are loved and cherished. But sadly they don't have a voice. They have been and are still gagged by the societal veil of myriad customs and traditions. The funny part is that a daughter, even before she can be a girl, is treated as 'paraya dhan' or a liability. More than her personal safety we are greatly concerned about her family's respect. In many cases, women are reduced to mere objects for upholding the dignity and integrity of society.

A couple of months back, this viral video by AIB on the truth of arranged marriages was doing the rounds and shared on my Facebook page. I did catch their video. And it's awesome and true to every detail. We might bask in the glory of advancements and development but reality is a far cry from these.

So which part of India are u from?

My name is usually the most interesting feature that people notice about me when I introduce myself. And the next thing that they do is what we as Indians love to do. They try to trace my background and guess what part of the country I come from. 

So on most accounts there's a barrage of, "Are you Bengali?" And "Oh, that face cut." So and so... and each time with expressions indicative of some sort of revelation and a feeling of "I knew!". No, I'm not Bengali just in case you were wondering. I am actually a South Indian. Did I catch you go, "But of course! I knew it" ? I don't blame you. It comes to us as naturally as breathing. Because we just know, if not by the appearance, then by the habits, the way of speaking or even by a name.

We find it so easy to trace where someone is coming from. We have our databases ready and stacked with information on the various characteristics of the from different states and accordingly look for the best match when a person turns up. 

What is more interesting is our obsession with a handful of states despite having a good number of them. The South vs North debate is probably epic now. We just can't seem to get enough of it. It also doesn't help with Bollywood churning out typical roles for south Indian characters, complete with dark skin, curly hair, handlebar mustache, upturned lungi and that big black mole on the face. The uber sensitive southerners feel compelled to take to social media and vent their vengeance.

And that leaves us with the wide range of blogs, articles and viral videos trying hard to educate the apparently uninformed Indian population about the regional diversity of our country, south India in particular. The latest being this video on YouTube that was shared a million times on my Facebook page, enough to make me roll my eyes. So this video like all other pro-south Indian videos tries to teach any person that will listen, about the 4(oops! Make that 5) states and all that is to know about their people and the place.

A very novel idea indeed. The tune goes something like, "We are not Madrasis, we are padosis." Now any person with even remote south Indian appearance or name must have been faced with, "Are you a Madrasi?". The part that I don't get however is the 'padosis', if there was such harmony amongst us why would there be feuds regarding water issues, electricity issues, land issues, divisions and even warring comments underneath the video...yes! The said padosi states fighting over who is the best and who owns greater famous personalities. Hilarious actually.

Moreover with states increasingly going in for bifurcations and trifurcations and multi cations it would be simply silly of us to expect an average Indian to keep track. Picture this, a northie bumps into a Telugu speaking guy. Having gone through these educational videos, he would cluelessly address him as an Andhraite. Now should this guy turn out to be from Telangana, the former will be in deep trouble. More confused than ever he might just run away in panic. 

Now on a serious note how many south Indians are as well informed about the north? How many can successfuly tell apart a Punjabi from a Bihari or a Rajasthani? My mother who has spent a good two decades in the national capital, still generally refers all north Indians as punjabis. Not that she doesn't know about the other states but a preconceived notion that punjabis are in abundance and hence every other person is one. And in the place that I come from, salwars and suits are called Punjabi dresses to this day. I honestly don't know the origin of salwars so I'm not sure if that's correct.

 Is it better for us to improve stately ties or create more misunderstandings? Lesser the details the better. If someone is genuinely interested well and good, otherwise it's best to leave aside the frills. What say?